tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26490719893270456922024-03-14T02:48:25.862-04:00mirrors to swim inWorks of original short fictionAmelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-77984375256899518792015-10-27T22:11:00.000-04:002015-10-27T22:11:28.373-04:00a bit of nonfiction<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">Dust. I’m made of dust. In the wind i blow away. In the mirror I’m a sort of fish creature, wiggling back and forth in an obscene parody of swimming, gills opening and closing, goggle-eyed and utterly inhuman. I flee the bathroom mirror but the fish thing follows me, made real by my attention. Even as I write it hovers just behind me, between my shoulder blades where i can never see or touch but i know it’s there.</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-2fe47fa1-ac34-7d3f-9c31-45cf30c3eac0" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">Some words are black plastic. They constrict around my son’s body. That’s why he’s always squirming. He has no idea it’s the words we speak that squeeze and jostle him so.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">I close my eyes but then i am a room made of windows and it is night. A dying elm tree is just outside every window. It’s branches tap and scrape against the glass. I am the sound of dozens of branches rattling against dozens of windows. I am the empty space inside the room. I try to be nothing but I am always something. it is always worse than it seems.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">A spiral stairway rises out of my eyes and twists the universe to match its curves. I feel so guilty about how my glance destroys the natural order of things but I can’t stop it and my eyes don’t close anymore. The twisting becomes recursive, spiraling spirals of spirals, a fractal mess of reptilian eyes in a shattered mirror that stare back at me and never ever blink.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">The only monster here is me. I repeat it to myself as if it could make me feel better. But there are so many monsters and if they are all me then what am i? I see a volcano erupting but the lava is dead dogs and the ash is flies. What is wrong with me? The thing with tentacles is back, always under the chair or the bed, always trying to slip one up under my skirt. I deserve so much worse than that. The writing on this milk carton is a message sent to me directly from God. EASY FOOD. God wants me to stop struggling so God can finish consuming me. I would, I swear I would but I don’t know how to stop. Even my writing is writhing on a hook. I breathe in all the text, all the letters fly off their places and swirl like a tornado into my lungs. I can’t breathe I can’t breathe please just make it stop but it never. ever. stops.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> My daughter looks through me. Her freckles are swirling galaxies and her eyes are rubber. Can she tell that I am falling apart right now? Does she know that I see her in this moment as a scarecrow stuffed with entrails instead of straw? Her gaze is a knife in my heart. She can’t know. The hands that type while I stare at my child don’t belong to me. None of this belongs to me. I don’t know how I got here but i wish someone would take me home.</span></span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-48245959616486820502015-10-27T22:04:00.003-04:002015-10-27T22:09:34.696-04:00A Beginning<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">Nothing sidles up</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">like a salesman to the doorway</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">politely asks to be let in</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-2fe47fa1-ac30-0f78-2c8d-b477fc21637f" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">But we’ve got something here</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">we don’t know what just yet</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">but it’s worth keeping</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">that much we know for sure</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">we have this one chance</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">to believe the things we say to each other</span></span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-51244712179228464432015-10-27T22:00:00.000-04:002015-10-27T22:00:15.941-04:00Anxiety <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">tap-tap-tap-tap</span></span><br />
<span id="docs-internal-guid-2fe47fa1-ac2b-c33a-062e-fc773c06d42b"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-2fe47fa1-ac2b-c33a-062e-fc773c06d42b"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That sound coming from the wall is unmistakable. Ellie can’t suppress a shiver, her mind racing ahead of itself. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, she thinks. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In 4, hold 4, out 4</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s just a stupid beetle. I’m not about to die.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> But her heart was already racing before the sound started. Neither the wall at her back nor the blankets wrapped around her huddled body had been sufficient to quell the rising panic. And now, as if it weren’t bad enough, as if she weren’t already painfully aware of her own fragile mortality, the Deathwatch beetle call adds its voice to the anxious choir in her head.</span></span></span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-2fe47fa1-ac2b-c33a-062e-fc773c06d42b">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ellie wants to get out of bed and turn on the floor lamp over by the window. Her bedside lamp casts too many shadows that shift and slide at the corners of her vision. But her back would be unprotected on that long journey. Her hands shake as she picks her phone up from the bedside table. It seems somehow sinister- she can’t bring herself to put it next to her ear. It would probably bite. She knows she’s supposed to get in touch with someone but she’s just too scared.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">tap-tap-tap-tap</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are no monsters here.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s just a bug. I’m not going to die. I’m not!</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> A vague shape moves outside her window. Just a tree. It has to be just a tree. Her heart is pounding now. A floorboard creeks. Something moves at the corner of her vision, behind the bedside table. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe, breathe, breathe, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">she tells herself. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m feeling anxious but I’m not really in any danger</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m a grownup and I’m safe right now.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> The closet door creaks open. Ellie’s heart pounds so hard she can feel it in her toes.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It sounds closer now, in the wall still but just behind her. And then, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">tap-tap-tap-tap</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, the call is answered, but on the window. And again, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">tap-tap-tap-tap</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> from the open closet door, and again from the bed, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">tap-tap-tap-tap</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">tap-tap-tap-tap</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> from every side as the window slides open and the shifting shadows sidle close and the blanket slides off to the floor.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-46474146652960423742015-07-30T22:49:00.000-04:002015-09-23T18:53:01.943-04:00Starlita<b id="docs-internal-guid-60afc8ac-e202-2afe-78d4-c5b4594c9575" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">1</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The light from a waxing gibbous moon pours through the window, making jewelry and laptop and pale skin and cell phone shine. A teenage girl stands with knees pressed against the side of a bed. The bed has shimmery blue satin sheets. The girl stands perfectly still but for her long black hair, which drifts softly up and down, as if she were floating in a clear lake. Her eyes never close. They are pale grey and stay focused on a point just outside the window.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">2</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The Starlita May Home has it’s opening ceremony. It is the first of many such homes for the Afflicted, named for the first of many people to succumb to the strange ailment. They need no special care, having no discernible metabolism. The home is more a storage facility and source of respite for families frayed by the daily sight of their loved ones, apparently alive but forever unreachable. Here it is first noted that when many are gathered close together the lazy drifting of their hair synchronizes, an effect eerily suggestive of breathing.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">3</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Over the years the pace has accelerated. Whole cities are entirely populated with people who only stand and stare, hair drifting up and down in perfect unison, abandoned by everyone capable of leaving. Those who remain mobile tend to gather together, so no more than two or three cities on any continent remain populated with the wakeful. Every effort to understand, prevent, or cure has failed utterly. No virus or prion or toxin or vector has been identified. In desperation plans are made to somehow save humanity from the incomprehensible doom which so rapidly befalls it.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">4</span></span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The end came even faster than expected, so the ones who built the great ship find themselves alone in boarding it. Barely two thousand people, all that remain of the billions who moved about on Earth just sixteen years ago, live in the vast belly of the ship. The great ship speeds away from Earth toward a far distant planet, to be reached in two hundred thirteen years, if at all. Already they call it New Earth, imagine it, discuss everything except the possibility that the Affliction might follow them there. The ship’s first marriage occurred two weeks after the start of the voyage. Pregnancies and births have been announced, and hopes run high for humanity’s survival. Far from those areas frequented by passengers, on the ship’s lonely bridge, the captain stands attentive, eyes fixed on that distant point of light to which they fly, buzzcut faintly drifting in some unseen current.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Check out my album based on this story at christinaamelia.bandcamp.com</span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-63895295280038796242014-12-08T17:52:00.002-05:002014-12-11T23:33:38.978-05:00Happy Birthday Christie Rose!!!!!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The Rose Garden</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are roses everywhere and I am dizzy with their fragrance. The ground is dark, uneven, obscured by fallen petals. I constantly trip over little bumps and slip on loose rocks. Thorny branches surround me. I am trapped, bewildered, in a prison of sweetness and beauty.</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-07b055ad-2c15-785b-ff54-3ad4b95d85db" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After about an hour a flock of blue-winged butterflies swoops into my fragrant thorny cell. They land on the flowers, exactly one butterfly for each bloom. This is always when I realize it isn’t real. Not because of the impossible numerical perfection, that always strikes me as appropriate. It’s the butterflies themselves. In that place I don’t remember who I am, where I came from, how I got there. But somehow I remember that there are no butterflies with that brilliant indigo color where I’m from. It’s jarring, so I start to feel suspicious and wonder whether I could be dreaming. At that point it always kicks me out, I guess. Or maybe my brain rejects the program or whatever it is.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would do anything to stay there. I don’t even know what it is, just something that started happening to me a while ago. Like I said, I can’t really remember anything when I’m there. But I feel like there’s something really important about that place, like everything that happens there matters in a way it never could anywhere else, if there is anywhere else.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I never know when it’ll happen. It just takes me, from sleep or work or the middle of a conversation. When I wake up and return to the real world no time has passed but I feel older. The scent of apricot roses and the sweet sting of my arms covered in thorn scratches linger for a few seconds. When they go and I am simply me again, the stolid unforgiving world seems to curl around me like the lead bibs dentists make you wear when they take x-rays of your teeth. A few folks have asked me in hushed voices if I’m okay. I guess I don’t look okay. I think maybe I never was, but I never really acknowledged it until I was brought to that place.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t remember thinking it over or anything, but at some point I started to assume I was being brought there. I would ask myself what I’m supposed to do, what does she want me to do? I also assume whoever is taking me to that place is female. Maybe they’re aliens, testing me to see whether they should make contact, searching me out for some quality I can’t even imagine. Or maybe a ghost is following me, using my brain to re-live her most poignant memories. It’s all speculation. I wish I knew what I’m supposed to do there. But even if I did I’d forget as soon as I arrived.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then I’m back. The sky here is smoky, a dull magenta. It looks like velvet. I’ve never noticed that before. The circle of space where I can walk is quite small, five steps across. I examine a few flowers. The apricot ones smell so strong I think I might drown if I take a deep breath of one. The reds glisten like blood when it first wells out of a cut, somehow both bright and dark. I wonder, idly, whether the red ones would stain my clothes. I know I’m wearing clothes but I don’t know what they look like. The purple flowers are my favorite. When I lean in close they have a faint tropical smell, like ripe mangoes. The petals look like they’re constructed of spider silk, layers and layers of woven glittering thread. I know just how they would feel brushing against my cheeks and over my eyelids. Their soft rasping makes me shiver so I crave extravagance, a bathtub full of purple rose petals to lie in, a river of petals to drown in, an ocean so I could fall and fall and disappear and never touch land again.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The butterflies are here. I swear they’re made of sapphires and onyx. I coax one onto my hand for a moment and its tiny feet leave pinpricks that bleed. I feel myself starting to wonder where I am, with butterflies like these. But the six tiny drops of welling blood distract me, and I remember that I am not supposed to wonder that. Instead, I fall into a purple blossom so dark it is nearly black. The butterflies go. I feel like I’ve done something important.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I notice an opening in the thorny branches, a tunnel really. I don’t really want to leave the garden but I’m curious. I start climbing through. Right away my clothes get caught on thorns. They tear away like tissue paper. The tunnel I crawl through has no end that I can see. Toothy green branches lined with bright blooms surround me, pressing in. The tunnel gets narrower and narrower. My skin falls away under the thorns like my clothes did. I have only one thought, one desire: Forward.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The perfume drowns me and the thorns cut and scratch so I am like a stone being tumbled, abraded until every shining inch of me is glass smooth and every lie and meanness and selfish act are jewels that can never be hidden. The multicolored webs and speckles of imperfection become beautiful on my burnished surface. I feel I might be close to understanding something important, but I’m not sure what.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Then I am out. I stand and start to turn, to see the garden and perhaps watch the butterflies come back, when movement catches my eye. A turtle is making its slow way somewhere. It travels away from the garden, so I follow it. I do not look back.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">I walk alongside the turtle, wanting to pretend I have some control over where we are going. When I pull ahead a step, the turtle stops. Its dark green head swivels to regard me. I think it would stay there forever if I didn’t back up and let it lead. I am impatient, but I step back and it resumes its dripping-molasses pace.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The land here is grey and hilly, with spiky dark green plants growing here and there. The sky is the pale luminous grey of a clear sky in a black and white movie. Small black shapes sometimes circle high above. Occasional soft breezes pass over and through me, smelling of cinnamon and black pepper.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">I have no idea how long we have walked. We reach a bridge spanning a deep ravine. The turtle stops in the middle and looks at me. I peer over the railing and see a snake of bright blue water far below. The river speaks to me, “Come to me, my love.”</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">I say, “I don’t deserve you. You know I don’t.” It is easy to be honest here. She answers, “Of course you don’t deserve me. No one ever deserves anyone, ever. But we do our best, don’t we? We choose the ones we’ll love. It has nothing to do with deserving.”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to look at the turtle. I want to finish crossing the bridge, or go back to that beautiful garden, or wake up to discover it was just a dream. But I don’t do any of those things. I jump.</span></span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-56517935289976880712014-12-07T18:28:00.000-05:002014-12-07T18:28:06.563-05:00Happy Birthday Eli!!!<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The Secret Life of Toril the Cricket</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-06cd150c-2712-d653-2679-ebe83fc5a125" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Toril likes to ride trains.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Not inside,</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">they’d never let a cricket on</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">without a ticket.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">And anyway crickets don’t have money.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Toril rides on top.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The wind, like a hungry bird, tries</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">to pluck Toril from the scratchy silver roof</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">of the dining car.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The people eating in there have no idea</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">of the magnificence just over their heads.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Crickets are really good at holding on,</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">so the wind stays hungry</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and settles for licking instead of biting.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Toril sings the way boy crickets sing.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">He chooses the way girl crickets choose.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Other crickets never know what to do with her.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Toril doesn’t care about boys or girls,</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">ze only wants movement, wind,</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and scratchy silver to cling to.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Once riding through a city Toril saw cats on rooftops, dozens,</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">watching the sun set like silent monks.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Once riding through the country Toril saw cows lined up, marching in a sea of tall grass,</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and, perched behind their leader’s ears, a hundred butterflies like a lion’s mane.</span></span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-15342508732751297752014-12-07T01:18:00.000-05:002014-12-07T01:18:16.424-05:00Tuesday<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> The day the power went out</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and every shallow grave yielded up its ghosts, starving and crazy from their long isolation-</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> And all the trees that lined suburban streets</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">pulled up their roots and tore down the strip malls</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and used dead cars as roller skates, to play on the empty highways-</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> And all the people of Atlantis climbed out of the sea to ask why we stopped searching for them,</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">why we let the fish have them</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">why we didn't try-</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> And the clouds finally landed to judge us,</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">now that the experiment was over-</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> And everyone fell in love with everyone else</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and could only say, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."-</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> On that day we didn't notice any of it</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">because we were alone in your apartment with the t.v. on</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and we were already in love.</span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-28139128312053259542014-11-18T00:05:00.003-05:002014-11-18T00:05:32.571-05:00The Long Winter<b id="docs-internal-guid-fc4419eb-c142-1a1c-f0f3-c6881234b61a" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The ice nearly caught us, soaked as we were from the gentle rain. We had thought to get out of the city, find some place safer, maybe a cabin in the woods upstate somewhere. Just someplace to hole up where we could cut enough firewood to stay warm until the food ran out.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> </span></span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The temperature had dropped suddenly the way it does nowadays, a hundred degrees or more in a couple minutes. With everything being wet it was ice everywhere. When the temperature falls that fast all the moisture doesn’t have time to turn into pretty snowflakes. The air seems to freeze and shatter. The noise is incredible. Of course you can’t see either. We ran, holding hands so we wouldn’t lose each other, clumsy in all the layers of wool and cordura and nylon and spandex. We were lucky- we found an unlocked door and tumbled in. Someone slammed the door shut behind us. There was a pretty little patch of frost on the carpet by the door. And it was warm, at least enough to strip down to two sweaters and just one pair of pants- real luxury.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Seven of us stayed in that abandoned restaurant while the cold outside got worse and worse. It seemed like this was really it. We had a generator and plenty of fuel to run the electric space heater. We huddled around it in the dark and told stories like cavemen.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Theresa, who was fifty-one and had been a children’s book illustrator, went out once to see if she could find some more food and fuel. When she came back the door had iced over and we couldn’t get it open. We could just barely hear her crying if we pressed our ears to the door. Even though the cold burned our ears we took turns listening until she stopped. It was all we could do.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A week later the fuel for the generator started to gel from the cold, even with the space heater turned up all the way. Elliot stripped down and curled his body around the last two cans of gas. Elliot was seventeen and had wanted to go to medical school to be an oncologist ever since his cousin survived breast cancer a few years ago. We covered Elliot and the gas cans with every tablecloth in the restaurant. We all took turns giving our body heat to the gas cans. After two days they froze solid in the thirty seconds it took to switch. There was nothing we could do.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">We bundled up with every bit of fabric we could find and huddled tight together, like penguins. We had all said everything we could think of to say days ago, so we lay in a pile and watched the frost creep over our clothes until there was nothing to see but white.</span></span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-15502766520003610052014-10-27T21:39:00.001-04:002014-10-27T21:39:29.528-04:00I Beside E<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">We want to create safety, you and I</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">out of silly string</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">a cocoon to keep the world at bay</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">armored with plastic heart-shaped confetti</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-fa742ba9-5467-4538-6c9d-c813f4327bc1" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">We want to make music</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">so we turn our ribs into wind chimes</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and hold our breath</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and wait for a breeze</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">We want to be close to each other</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">so we swap clothes</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and sniff our shirts when no one’s looking</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">trade glances across crowded rooms</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">and walk so close our elbows almost touch</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">We don’t know what we want</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">just that the wanting gives us hollow, hungry eyes</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">so we scurry like mice for the crumbs</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">of the feast we know must be happening somewhere</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">We burst like overfull wineskins, crying</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">“Stitch me up and fill me again! Those rubies on the ground are nothing. I’ll pour you a vintage that will turn your tears to diamonds and make emeralds drip out your nose!”</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">The only cure for our ravings is to make our fingers into needles and start stitching</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">No one else understands what this is like</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">God help them if they ever try</span></span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-33453786038307015522014-10-20T15:35:00.003-04:002014-10-20T19:50:25.987-04:00The Worst DMV Trip Ever<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> I waited in the car while Jen registered her car. The DMV always freaks me out and I end up having to run outside to calm down anyway, so why even go in? Jen didn’t need support from me or anything, she’s great at Doing Things and Being a Person. I was listening to an Iron & Wine CD. They’re kind of like Moby Dick for me, because they’re so lovely and sad but I just can’t stay awake more than a few minutes. So I guess I fell asleep. I wasn’t woken up by Jen, giving me a gentle shake and a fond, slightly patronizing smile. It was dogs barking, lots of them and really close. I’m a little bit scared of dogs, especially when they bark or move or look at me, so first thing I made sure the doors were locked and the windows were only open a little.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">I looked out the passenger window and saw them, a whole big pack fighting over some dead animal or something right by the entrance to the DMV. I squeaked- I do that when I’m scared, it’s kind of embarrassing and really pretty stupid because of course the dogs all looked up and trotted over with their tongues hanging out, making those cute dog faces. As if I was gonna get out of the car to pet them, the deceptive little monsters. Now that the dogs weren’t surrounding it I could see what they’d been fighting over. It looked like a bunch of ripped fabric and bones. As the dogs reached my car I slid down in my seat so I wouldn’t be able to see them, but I could hear their claws clicking and squeaking all over the car. Just breathe, I thought. They’re only curious. They’ll leave soon. What was taking Jen so long?</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then a big one hopped up onto the hood. That was when I noticed the sky. It was this incredible luminous violet, like neon lights, except I think argon is the one that makes purple. There were no clouds. It was bright as day but I couldn’t see the sun anywhere. Really looking around now I could see that the DMV was sagging and leaning to one side. Only a few windows still had glass in them. The grocery store across the street was completely gone, the road too. But the traffic light still hung in the air with its one glowing red eye. No wires, it was just floating I guess. I said, “A-ha! I’m dreaming!” I felt so relieved. I looked up at the dog on the hood and said, “Go away! You’re not real!” The dog tilted its head sideways and blinked at me and said, “How do you know you’re not the one who isn’t real?” It sounded like it had been breathing helium. I think helium fluoresces orange.</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6834a48c-2f0c-81ab-223c-5a25db749057" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Are you gonna eat me?” I asked.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Only if we catch you,” the dog answered with a goofy dog grin.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, I thought, if I’m trapped in a surreal nightmare I may as well look around a bit more.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s not a nightmare. Not literally anyway.” The dog said. Shouldn’t a telepathic talking dog say sweet, reassuring things?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So if its not a nightmare what’s going on? What happened? Why am I here?” I admit I sounded a bit hysterical.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You know, hysterical is a totally misogynistic term, you really shouldn’t use it. And I don’t know the answers to any of your questions. I’m just a dog, lady. So, you gettin’ outta the car any time soon?”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I looked around at the jagged outlines of mostly destroyed buildings in the distance, the grey ash that covered the ground in drifts like snow, the unearthly violet sky, the total lack of any sign of any other human anywhere, and the pack of dogs sitting in a circle around my rusty crumbling ‘91 Toyota Crown. I said, “No, I don’t think I am.”</span></span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-80682036562394182062014-09-11T21:28:00.000-04:002014-09-13T19:46:48.471-04:00Knowing<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We walked along the trail, when we came upon the pool of water that reflected the future. The pool had been discovered twenty-four years ago by Paolo Cruz. He had looked a while and seen himself, grey-haired and alone, surrounded with bottles of mescal. He knew it was a true vision, he said, because one of the worms wore a rosary.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Straight away he gave up drinking and got married. He had seven anxious years hoping he’d escape his fate, to die alone and pickled. Then his wife Maria and her aunt and uncle died together when a small meteorite crashed through the windshield of Maria’s uncle’s car, sending it off a narrow cliffside road. They had been on their way to visit the distillery that Uncle Silvio had just bought, which passed to his only next of kin, Paolo. Paolo became quite wealthy but never remarried.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There were other, less famous stories, following a similar pattern. People came to learn their fate. Even when it seemed pleasant they tried to change it. Human nature, I suppose.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So we had come on a lark, foolish the way only young lovers can be, to see whether we’d be happy and still together in five or ten or twenty years. Standing at the edge, careful not to look yet, we were suddenly shy with each other. It felt a bit like a marriage proposal.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I said, “You go first.”</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">“No,” she said. “Together.”</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> So we looked while I wondered whether we saw the same future. We didn’t, of course. No two people ever do. Which doesn’t stop them from trying.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">It’s been eleven years. The ending she saw came nine years ago. The reconciliation I saw hasn’t yet, but I’m hopeful. There are hundreds of us in town, drifting through the days all hollow-eyed, every moment centered on what we know will happen any moment now.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; line-height: 1.15; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Two years ago a priest from the city came with a bulldozer and filled in the pond. He brought four men with guns but no one tried to stop him. Truly we were glad to see it go, yet yesterday my little sister said she saw our grandmother in the bathtub water where she should have seen herself.</span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-24015279772160296402014-08-26T20:02:00.003-04:002014-09-23T00:45:49.149-04:00An Ill-Considered Journey, part 1<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Cross a bridge when you come to it.” People have always said that to me ‘cause I get so overwhelmed with everything, like bills and appointments and work and stuff like that. But every time I cross a bridge all I think about is jumping. I especially like highway overpasses, like to imagine a driver’s expression as my body slams into their windshield. The fantasy comforts me. I tell myself, “Not today. Probably tomorrow, but not today.” So mostly I avoid bridges as much as I can. Don’t care who’s grass is greener, you know? Unless it’s the kind you can smoke.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So how I ended up here is a total mystery.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The smoke and lightning monster with all the eyes and everything told me, “Walk fast, but not too fast. Don’t stomp your feet. Don’t look over the edge, and do not, no matter what you see or hear or feel, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">do not </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">let go of the railing. If you do, you’ll fall, and it’s a very long way down.”</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I thought, “Really? Seven billion people in the world and you choose me to cross the highest scariest easiest-to-jump-off bridge in the world?” Or I guess between the worlds.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anyway, it told me time was running out. Gotta have that ticking clock to drive the narrative and prevent my reconsidering or I’d never walk through that swirling fiery arch. Not only are they asking- really begging- me to walk across a bridge for them (and you know I have actually jumped a few times, into water not traffic, and obviously without success. It gets easier every time) but I have to do so in the midst of some lazily written cliche!</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anyway, the electric smoke monster was looking pretty desperate I think, so I went ahead and walked fast but not too fast through the arch and found myself on the bridge.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It was damp mossy stone under my feet, slippery as anything. The handrail was tarnished brass. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I muttered. I mean, they can’t even keep the railings polished on the trans-dimensional bridge between the worlds? Seems like kind of an important thing to keep up with… At least the sky didn’t disappoint. It was sheets of fire done in shifting colors, with I’m not even kidding glitter drifting down like snow. Some fell on my hands and clothes and stuff and I looked real close- it was definitely, positively glitter. It was mostly silver but a little of all the other colors too, even black. Then of course the weirdness started.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I came up on a great big wall made of interlocking wooden rocking horses. Their beady little eyes kept moving, looking me up and down. When I got close, maybe ten steps away, all these spidery things crawled out from somewhere and filled in all the spaces in the rocking horse wall. I think they had a lot more than eight legs though.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anyway I didn’t slow down. It’s easy to not believe in something like that, and sure enough I passed right through it. It was just a hologram or something. After that one there was a cyborg T-rex with one glowing red eye (that one was my favorite), a huge fire-breathing octopus creature (purple of course), zombies, zombie elephants, and a dragon made entirely of rats. The rat dragon was pretty awesome too.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It was great to have all those distraction ‘cause it took my mind off wanting to jump off that bridge and find out what the heck I was crossing over.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">After the rat dragon things were quiet for a few minutes. I tried to count glitter flakes and come up with all those color names that only artists and interior designers ever use, like ‘puce’ and ‘carmine’, to describe the fire sheets in the sky. Just trying to focus on something, anything, besides how easy it would be to just hop over the railing and be on my way out of all the bullshit and misery. It really was a losing battle, whenever I’m alone and run out of distractions I just get sucked into all that suicide stuff and this was no exception. But then I realized the fire sheets were getting a little thin and it was getting really cold. A few minutes later I was shivering and I could see my breath and the sky was clear and full of stars, huge stars like pinwheels. You could see them slowly spinning, millions of them, when one off to the left exploded. It looked just like those fireworks that make all the little burning bits that slowly fall down so it looks like a willow tree. I was watching them in the distance, they were just so pretty, kind of a coral color, when a car-sized chunk of flaming pinwheel drifted down right next to the bridge. It was just crazy hot, burned the hair off my left hand (the one holding the handrail) and the hair on my head was smoking on that side too! I used to burn the hair off my hands and arms all the time, for fun I guess, so I kept holding on and it was no big deal really. But it was definitely pretty cool.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Once the fireball had passed it got really, really, really cold. You know how when it’s so so cold and it hurts so much to have to touch anything metal? Yeah, that was a bitch. I just kept trying to pretend I was doing it on purpose. After a couple minutes of that I don’t think I could have opened my hand to let go even if I’d wanted to. And truthfully by then I did want to, very much. I’d’ve pried my hand off that bar except it was so damn cold I couldn’t hardly think at all.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was distracting myself wondering what crazy psychedelic shit would happen next when the bridge started to twist like a corkscrew. It made me all dizzy of course but the bridge seemed to still be down so what the hell, right? It’s all relative anyway.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And then there was the other arch, unsurprisingly guarded by a jumbo size lion with faceted insect eyes and a shit ton of huge long squirming centipedes for a mane. Seriously, that seems like a bit of a design flaw, you know? I guess it was just supposed to look cool or something.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I asked it why a trans-dimensional universe-spanning bridge should look like it was dreamed up by a thirteen-year-old goth kid on ‘shrooms. I was just messing around of course, I thought it was just another hologram or whatever. Oh well, wrong again. So it says, in an Australian accent, no less, “There’s nothing here but what you bring, mate.” Touche, I thought. “Now why’ve you come?”</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So I told it about the lightning monster thing and the quest to find the stolen magic jewel that holds the world together and return it to my home universe.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Let me get this straight,” said the lion, with it’s centipedes all a-wriggle. “A lightning monster climbs out of a space-time rift and gives you some horseshit quest to another universe to find a jewel</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, one jewel</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, in an entire universe, and you just pop right off to that other universe. Do you know how big universes are? Did you even have a piss before you rushed off?”</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now, I know I’ve always been stupidly impulsive, so I guess I was ready to hear that fucked-up lion. I thought for a bit about jumping again. I mean, you really couldn’t pick a more picturesque and unique place to die, and no one nice would have to deal with my corpse. But I was committed to trying to stay alive, and if I was gonna have to go around being alive, what the hell else did I have to do with all that being alive time? At least this was interesting. Might as well have some fun while I’m still breathing. So I told that weird-ass lion to move aside.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You can probably guess what happened next. It stood up on its hind legs and put up its dukes like a Victorian gentleman. I have done a lot of stupid things in my life and made plenty of poor decisions, but even I am not dumb enough to box with a giant centipede lion. So I kicked that kitty in the nuts and ducked past it while it howled on the mossy stone and walked fast, not too fast, through the arch.</span></span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-82025478721767184522014-08-24T21:27:00.003-04:002014-08-24T21:31:57.905-04:00The Suicide Note<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What is there to say when all I feel is hopeless, hurting- helpless</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">before a nameless doom that overwhelms</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">no matter how hard I try, how fierce I feel, how rarely I am alone.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Loves, friends, passions, plans-</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">all poems I read in a book I loved long ago</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">and lost along the way.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If I have been selfish, unselfconscious-</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don’t mean it</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">it’s just-</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">the world collapsed into a point three inches below my breaking heart.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And if I hurt you</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">know, I only didn’t see you.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Eyes closed, knives in hand,</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I swing at every sound-</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">a catastrophe</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">waiting to stop happening-</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-9371bbb8-0ac5-a926-ba69-be53e4566c02" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“You said it buddy!”</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> The sandpaper on glass voice had come from just beneath where he was sitting. This was unexpected, because he was sitting on the edge of a rather tall bridge. It being night time, he had managed to get there without being noticed, so no police cars or bullhorns were there to interfere. Indeed, he was so startled as to nearly fall from his perch. The irony in his desperate grab to stay aloft was not lost on him. Irony was one of the few things he was really good at. That and angsty poetry, both of which had unfortunately stopped impressing people around the time he hit twenty-four.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So this thirty-two-year-old single unemployed ex-file clerk sat far above the river he’d lived next to his whole life. He was wearing tight stretchy exercise clothes, having read extensively about what happens to dead human bodies that spend a long time in water. He thought it likely that someone would be called upon to identify his body and thought himself considerate enough to make reasonably sure that his body would still be clothed and not too horrifyingly swollen when some unfortunate friend or relative would come to see it on the slab. He had written his suicide poem on the back of the diploma conferring his Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy degree, which he’d planned to weight down with a chunk of macadam or some other similarly weighty object he might find at his departure point. He’d been reading it aloud one last time as a sort of goodbye ritual when the surprising voice interrupted him.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Panic more or less subsided, he leaned forward a bit and peered down between his knees. “Hello?” This time the answer came from behind him.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Hello yourself. Sorry to interrupt, I really thought you must be done. Read the rest?”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This time he was quite sure he was really going to fall. Even as his hands scrabbled for a hold and his heart prepared to burst out of his chest, some detached part of his mind was wondering why he didn’t just let go, let himself fall, and be done with it. As if it would be more pure or conscious or authentic if he jumped; as if being startled off the bridge could make his death even more trite and ignoble than it was already destined to be.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Secure again, he slid himself back from the edge so only his feet dangled over the precipice. Inspired, he kicked off his shoes and watched them tumble down, down, down- it really was such a long way- until the two tiny specks became invisible against the grey and black shadowy depths. “Now I am really committed”, he thought to himself.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Now you’re really committed, eh?,” the voice asked.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Elated at his own courage, he turned around to view the speaker. For a moment he saw nothing but empty space, until his brain figured out how to adequately convey to itself the sight that met his wondering eyes. His eyes seemed unable to focus on the whole thing all at once. It seemed to be shades of metallic silver and bronze and grey and black and very dark red, sort of swirling. In fact, the whole thing seemed to be made of turbulent smoke and lightning. The shape, indistinct as it was, suggested a winged person or a burning building. It was a little taller and wider than an adult. Bright yellow eyes in groups appeared and opened, then closed and vanished, their locations constantly shifting all over the thing’s body. Whenever it spoke the region that seemed to correspond to where a head ought to go would go all jagged and buzzy and even harder to see, like a vibrator or an electric toothbrush.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“I’m not being patronizing, I’d really like to hear the rest. Please?”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">His mouth moved without dislodging any words for a bit while his thoughts didn’t race, but just slogged around in muddy circles. “I’m going to die. It’s a monster or something and I’m going to die. It’s going to kill me. But I want to die. Maybe it only eats people who want to die. But I want to fall an awful long way into water, not be eaten by a tornado monster. And it talks, and that’s not fair, and I’m going to die,” and so on.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Look, I know I can be a bit off-putting at first, so let me reassure you. I am not going to eat you, steal your soul, push you off the bridge, or trick you into making some kind of Faustian bargain. Truth be told, I’m here for the same reason as you. Can’t stand it anymore. I’m nine-hundred and three today and haven’t done a damn thing worth doing. Got loads of friends- not one of them really knows me, and if they did I don’t think they’d much like me. You know how it is. So you got nothing to fear, only one I’m planning to kill tonight is me.”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“You’re nine-hundred and three today?”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some demented neurological process had hijacked control of his mouth and was now operating it independent of any conscious thought.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Happy birthday!”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">His cheeks flushed scarlet upon hearing this inanity cross his lips. An alien demon monster thing was pouring out its miserable heart to him, and all he could say was, “Happy birthday!” Truly, he deserved to die.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Thank you! You know, no one’s remembered my birthday in hundreds of years. So, what should I call you in these, our last moments of life?”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“My name’s Byron. Byron Claudius Bloom.”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Every time he introduced himself, Byron felt the same combination of fierce pride at having such a cool name and crushing shame at having done nothing whatsoever that was worthy of it.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“My, that is a wonderful name. Think of it, ‘The body of Byron Claudius Bloom was found washed up on Kingston Point Beach today. Authorities are awaiting autopsy results but have said that the cause of death was almost certainly suicide, the world being so obviously unworthy of anyone with such an awesome name. A suicide note in the form of a poem was found on the Kingston-Rhinecliff Bridge. The poem has already become a viral hit on the web.’ And then, ‘Just two weeks after the suicide of noted poet Byron Claudius Bloom the toll of young hipsters committing ‘copycat’ suicides inspired by Bloom’s famous suicide poem has reach eighty-seven.’ I think you’ll be famous yet, Byron.”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Byron laughed a little uneasily. “What’s your name, then?”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Pentarlathostrialiania Fzethd Keldegerr. You can call me Alia. So come on then, let me hear the rest of the soon-to-be-famous suicide poem. And then maybe we can jump together, if you don’t mind a little company.”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Byron cleared his throat and read.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Eyes closed, knives in hand,</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I swing at every sound-</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">a catastrophe</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">waiting to stop happening-</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">a fell tornado of sharp-edged mediocrity-</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">a silent fart,</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">a violent heart,</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Brave enough only</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">to die.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Goodbye.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That’s it. What do you think?”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Perfect! The absurdity, the over-the-top language- they don’t fall flat at all, they really convey the absurdity of life, of the games we play to pass the time and convince ourselves we’re happy, or that we at least can become happy. But of course in the end all it amounts to is a puff of warm air and a smell of rot. Genius. I’m so pleased you have the courage to die, Byron Claudius Bloom. You’ve made my suicide ever so much more fun. Now, shall we?”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Byron quickly located a suitable paperweight. It was a broken headlight, apparently from a bad accident where there had been enough car pieces that a missing headlight was never noticed. His greatest poem secured, he stepped back to the edge, this time next to Alia. They locked eyes and joined hands. Alia’s touch sent electric tingling sensations up his arm. His palm felt like it was burning. Close up he could smell brimstone and ozone and roses. Byron thought he could fall into Alia’s eyes and the fall would be much, much further than the one to the cleansing river that awaited them both far below. They stood like that, united in their bravery, as car after car after car whooshed by ten feet away, as the stars turned, as the moon rose. Byron took a long, deep breath while Alia pulsed with silvery light. Without a word, they turned to face the empty sky, and hand in hand, they jumped as if to fly. As the water rushed to meet them they recognized together that neither had ever been so happy in all their life.</span></span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-16018606268789010672014-08-20T20:22:00.003-04:002014-08-20T20:22:55.999-04:00Everything May Be<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sometimes there's a fearful quality to silence.</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Nothing awkward, really-</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">a longing, perhaps, to draw closer;</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">to touch and hold and be less alone.</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We are magnets, close but not close enough.</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If I move toward you</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(take your hand,</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">kiss your lips,</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">tell you what I fear so much that thinking of it feels like dying,</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">ask you what you love enough to live for)</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">will we come together with a <i>snap?</i></span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(be as much one as two can be</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">resist gravity</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">reach through every glass and paper wall)</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Or will I find what I brought</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(another negative</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">invisible, insurmountable repulsion)</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">and have to know full certain</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">the limits of our love?</span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-15889290951953847822014-08-19T10:00:00.000-04:002014-08-19T10:03:33.450-04:00A Moment, Sharp as Glass<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“I’ve always been attracted to edges. All kinds of edges. Like there are those places where a field meets a forest, and there’s a thicket or a whole bunch of shrubs and vines and things. Those places always have more birds and mammals than either the forest or the field. They’re called ecotones, those in-between places. Isn’t that pretty? It’s like music from the collision of two different things. Edges are always more interesting than middles. Did you ever notice the most interesting people are the ones you find on the margins? Wallflowers at parties, street kids busking outside popular bars, anarchists squatting in abandoned churches...You get the idea, right?”</span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-e530cafa-ee8f-042f-7378-287a4a4c6c7e" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Jacob nodded.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I also kind of have a thing for edges in time. That moment of anticipation just before something completely changes your life. When you know it’s coming and you even have a good idea of what it is and whether you like it or not </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">it...will...happen</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. You understand that, don’t you Jacob?”</span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Jacob nodded.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“The frustrating thing about edges, Jacob, is that you can’t stay. They’re transitions, and transitions are no place to live. They’re just for passing through. But what about the beach, you might ask. Beaches are ecotones and they’re lovely places to stay. You’re right, they are. But even there the tide comes in and you can never drink the water. Are you thirsty, Jacob?”</span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Jacob nodded.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“See what I mean? There’s nothing here to drink! Just sea water and birds and hedgehogs and anticipation! But let me tell you my favorite thing about edges, Jacob. It’s called fractal geometry. Did you know that if you look very closely at an edge, you’ll find even more edges? The closer you look, the more you find, the more complex it gets. Edges are endless, Jacob. Finite but endless. Like life. Even knives and razors and broken glass, perfect and straight and beautiful and sharp and clear, are longer than you can imagine. Isn’t that wonderful? Together we can touch infinity, Jacob. Infinite complexities interacting in infinite ways, for one perfect moment between now and then. Edges can be loved and worshipped, but never understood until you leave the middle forever. It’s time now to abandon the middle, Jacob, to embrace the edge, free the sea, and touch infinity with me! We’ll stay as long as we can. Are you ready?”</span></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Jacob nodded. There was nothing else he could do.</span></div>
</span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-60295260526708393852014-08-01T20:38:00.005-04:002014-08-01T20:38:57.371-04:00It Could Be Worse<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The day even started bright. White enameled stoves and cream-colored linoleum were painful to look at and eggs were cracked into frying pans with eyes half closed, squinting.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">-</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It surprised her when she really finally left, although in retrospect it was obvious she'd been leaving for weeks. Somehow all the clues had completely escaped her notice, which was probably indicative of the state of their relationship.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Clothes had been disappearing from the closet. She'd bought her own tube of toothpaste. There had been intensive cleaning so that one could do one's makeup in the mirror bright appliances and formica countertops.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">-</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As the day progressed toward noon more and more of the sky turned to red fire as the burning blazing sun grew and grew. The heat grew too, but ultraviolet radiation trickled to almost nothing as the Sun expanded. No one worried anymore about skin cancer.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">-</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For example, the pillow she'd been sleeping on for the last few weeks and that she'd not taken with her- it had a little crusty patch that turned out to be salt. How could she have failed to notice her love crying that much?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She didn't even try to call or track her down. She had ruined the best thing she'd ever known with her indifference and didn't deserve another chance.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">-</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Within a few days trees and tall buildings started smoking at noon while people huddled in underground warrens, having chosen to prolong the end a few weeks. All the extra energy caused intense windstorms but no rain as the clouds boiled off into space.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">-</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So she took up drinking. Some people become passionate or maudlin when they drink, but that was another thing she couldn't do right. So she sat dizzy and brooding, counting ratios of consonants to vowels in the words printed on cereal boxes.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">-</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It turned out expansion of red giants was less predictable than they thought, and it took another nine million years for the Sun's corona to engulf the dried out cinder that had been humanity's cradle. The event was watched with some interest.</span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-25628630766680170262014-07-31T21:13:00.000-04:002014-07-31T22:45:00.384-04:00Rufus' Rough Night<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Rufus was very tired. In fact this was the tiredest he had ever ever been in his whole life! Given that Rufus was only three and a half, and so had recently been an infant (a particularly sweet and sleepy one) this was an impressive amount of tired. Why, you might ask, was this poor exhausted child not home in his bed? Ah, but he was. Then what was it that so cruelly kept him from sweet slumber? The answer, of course, is that which treats so many young children as harshly as it does little Rufus: fear. Specifically, fear of the closet, and especially of whatever might lurk in the closet.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-f9ae54a8-8f20-083e-c0e7-4a95f1cb3ed4" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Not three minutes after Rufus’ mother kissed him goodnight and left his room that fell door opened on its own, silent as spiders. It had been at least three hours of wakeful watching since then.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You see, this was not just any simple closet. This was </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> closet, the one that sometimes Rufus’ best toys were put away in but they weren’t there when he looked and mama said he must have lost them but he knew that really the closet, or something in it, ate them.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He didn’t dare take his eyes off that awful half open door for a moment. He hoped with all his little heart that he might just fall asleep suddenly without closing his eyes and then it would be tomorrow and he could ask his parents to nail the door closed forever.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He couldn’t call out to his parents to come rescue him. The closet door stood at right angles to his room’s only entrance, so anyone entering or leaving had no choice but to pass within a step of that yawning shadowy mouth. If his parents came in, the thing in the closet would get them, eat them, crunch their bones - and it would be Rufus’ fault. So he kept his vigil, eyes held open with the force of fear and the three-year-old logic that says monsters never attack unless they can attack unseen.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But now, oh now, the horror multiplied! Poor Rufus had to pee, and the bathroom waited down the hall, past the open closet and whatever lurked inside it. He held it as long as he could, then longer still. Rufus had stopped wearing a diaper to bed three months ago and was not prepared to lose that hard earned pride by wetting his bed, not even for a closet monster. So the pressure grew and grew and grew until finally, with a hopeless sob, little Rufus leapt from his bed and charged unmolested past that eerie door to the bathroom and sweet release. The four 23-watt full spectrum compact fluorescent lightbulbs in the ceiling fixture gave the bathroom scene a quality of stark, uncompromising realness. Rufus looked at the gleaming sink fixtures and the clean off-white tiles. He smelled his father’s towel, which held the scent of the shampoo he used, an odor that always lingered in his hair. Rufus bathed himself in the accoutrements of his family’s normal daytime life and grew brave.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meanwhile Anne, Rufus’ mother, quietly climbed out of her bed, careful not to wake her husband. Rufus’ sob had awoken her, so she went to check on her sweet little boy. Seeing the bathroom door closed and light spilling under it, she chose not to disturb him lest he get the idea that he should spend the balance of the night sharing his parents’ bed. Rufus, sweet as he was when awake, slept in a series of briefly held dynamic poses which always seemed to involve elbows and knees sticking out in all directions and blankets being gathered into balls and flung away.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She peeked into his room, thinking to find blanket balls where he’d thrown them and to place them neatly on his bed, ready for his return. Stepping through his bedroom door, she noticed the closet open. She thought this odd, knowing Rufus’ nightly demand that his parents make really sure the door was closed </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">all the way</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. So she looked into the dark space beyond the closet door.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Mice?” she whispered, seeing a faint impression of possible movement. Then a hand, dark grey and clawed and long-fingered, extending on an arm, impossibly long, reached out of the gloom to gently grasp the mint green tank top she had worn to bed, and firmly pulled her into the dark. As the closet door swung shut behind her, she uttered her last words in a whisper, “So many teeth.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rufus, quite sleepy and feeling very brave indeed, shut the bathroom light and strode boldly to his room. He was ready to look into the closet, to see shelves and toys and books and clothes and nothing scary at all, and then to climb into bed for untroubled sleep. As he turned the knob and began to pull the door open, he had a thought.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hadn’t the door been open?</span></span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-57425530919274714882014-07-31T21:10:00.004-04:002014-07-31T23:05:22.846-04:00Rosa at the Bar<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rosa swayed on her barstool, letting herself be moved back and forth by the pressures of sound and crowd. The guitar was definitely a little shrill and slightly out of tune. She recognized this and accepted it with a small smile. She stood up and began making her way to the bathroom, trying to be invisible and insubstantial, slipping between groups of dancing people who had started drinking much earlier in the evening than Rosa had. The lady’s room door was locked, and her heart sped up a bit at the recognition that she would have to stand in the bright, narrow hall, totally visible. And maybe even have to make eye contact with some strange woman when she emerged from the restroom. “Public bathrooms are the worst,” she thought.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-39f4d161-8f1d-b61d-ee98-5b99af667fdd" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then the door opened and a tall, unexpectedly pretty woman with white-streaked black hair came out. She gave Rosa a friendly, sympathetic smile and said something Rosa didn’t hear. Rosa returned a strained smile and made a nearly silent speech-like sound, making her lips move in a way that she hoped would satisfy whatever demand the woman was making of her, then quickly darted into the bathroom. The sudden change in sound and air and light made life difficult to negotiate for a moment, but soon she was drying her hands and checking her makeup in the mirror. Coming out, Rosa repeated the bizarre social exchange with another woman who had been waiting for her turn. She only made a half-hearted effort to make her way back, knowing that her seat had probably been claimed the moment she stood up. A brief wave of anxiety passed through her as she looked at the people around her dancing. Their arrhythmic swayings and hoppings had a disturbing alien quality that briefly made her skin crawl.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Without the anchor of a seat she was buffeted back and forth by the waves of sound, trying to remain soft and flexible, enjoying the experience of being obliterated by noise and human contact and surfing on the edge of panic. Looking up at the stage, she made eye contact with the lead singer and guitarist, a short, heavily intoxicated 30-something man in an ironic grey suit and fedora. A quizzical expression momentarily flashed across his features before his eyes found focus elsewhere. Rosa sought the eyes of the bassist next, but was distracted when she noticed a fuzzy black shape, like a dog-sized caterpillar, crawling up the wall next to the mixer. She didn’t bother looking around to see whether anyone else saw it. No one else ever did. The shadows of the band members, already elongated by the intense stage lights, grew longer and taller and split apart, until a shadow forest stood on the wall behind the stage. Tiny dark spots swarmed out of the forest and crawled up to the corner where wall meets ceiling and filled it in. After a moment, Rosa wasn’t entirely sure whether the corner had already been shadowed or whether the darkness filling it was just the tiny forest creatures.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The song ended and the singer announced a short break. Rosa instinctively followed the crowd leaving the dance floor, searching for a bare spot of wall to lean on. Finding none, she made her way to the bar. The bartender wore an extremely low cut top. For the third time that evening Rosa guiltily tried and failed to maintain eye contact while she ordered her vodka and cranberry juice, adding an extra dollar to the tip to make up for objectifying her. She was making her way through the crowd, looking for a good spot to stand, when she nearly tripped over a fluffy brown and black cat, who was itself weaving through the crowd. A man in skin tight jeans watched the cat’s progress toward the exit. Sensing something more interesting than the band, Rosa followed, quickly sucking down her drink and plunking the glass down on a table as she passed.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Outside the autumn air felt cold and dry, and the sudden silence of the late night street made Rosa momentarily dizzy. When the disorientation passed, she looked around for the cat. It was walking past an alley where a large lizard was rifling through a garbage can that had been knocked over. Something like a spider, toddler-sized and having what seemed like dozens of legs, crouched on a brick wall watching the lizard work. It glanced at Rosa for a moment but didn’t seem interested in her. She walked by, doing her best to move silently to avoid startling the cat. As they crossed another street Rosa noticed a pebble in the crosswalk, dark grey with a white quartz band around the middle. She scooped it up and kept walking. Now that she had the pebble she wasn’t so concerned about startling the cat. She caught up easily. The cat glanced her way but didn’t say anything, and they continued in companionable silence. Two blocks later Rosa realized they were very close to the river. Soon she saw the guardrails and the dark water and the long serpentine necks protruding gracefully from the water. She had spent many long hours watching and had never once seen one of them move. She looked down to see what the cat was doing now and couldn’t find it anywhere. Feeling slightly drunk and more than slightly disappointed that her adventure should end so quickly, Rosa decided to take a walk along the water.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She still had the pebble, so there was some hope for an interesting evening. Rosa watched her feet as she walked upriver, carefully avoiding the cracks in the pavement. A loud meow broke her concentration and she saw the cat hop onto the railing by the river to walk beside her. “Welcome back,” she muttered. “So where are we going?” The cat blinked at her and kept walking.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rosa entertained herself as they walked by making up a haiku about the cat. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">little secret cat</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">together we are walking</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">into mystery</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She didn’t think the cat would appreciate it, so she kept it to herself.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rosa stopped walking for a moment to allow several steel grey snakes to slither by on their way into the river and nearly lost the cat as it hopped off the railing and trotted up a street. She had the feeling that they had almost arrived at their destination, and sure enough, the cat turned again and padded into an alley. Rosa followed to the end of the alley, where a large cardboard box sat surrounded by a low wall of broken bricks and chunks of pavement. The cat was nowhere to be found, but that was to be expected. Rosa quietly walked to the wall. She saw that there were hundreds of tiny stones and bits of bone and foil candy wrappers and bottle caps laying in drifts against the inside of the wall. Always respectful of rituals, she quickly searched her purse and came up with a tiny plastic fairy with only one wing, a metal button from an old girlfriend’s coat, a crushed up bluebird feather, and an acorn. None of those things seemed appropriate, so she skipped out the alley and half a block up the street to a bar and restaurant of the sort that closes at eleven pm. She peeked in their dumpster and quickly found a handful of bottle caps. These she carefully placed inside the rubble wall, equidistant from each other. When she was through, a voice whispered, “Come.”</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rosa opened the flaps of the cardboard box. Sitting in the bottom on a dirty greyish blanket was a small snake-like creature covered in a rainbow of brightly colored metallic feathers. The creature spoke. “I know you. I see you. Always the strange one. Always alone. I can help you, make you like them. Not-seeing, not-knowing. Here it is, the gift of giftlessness.” The creature moved to the side to reveal a tiny black stone. “Swallow it, yes, and then free from these unprofitable dreams.” Rosa reached down into the box, but the feathered serpent shifted to cover the stone again. “This is not a gift. I require payment.” Rosa thought for a moment, then pulled the grey pebble with the quartz band out of her pocket. She held it out, and the creature snapped it up and swallowed it. After a few seconds its eyes glazed and it settled down onto the blanket. A quiet little moan escaped its lips and it lay limp. The colors of it feathers brightened momentarily, then began slowly shifting. Rosa again reached down, pushing the creatures coils out of the way, and picked up the black stone. It felt just like an ice cube feels when you’ve held it long enough for the edges to melt away. It had a faint garlicky scent, possibly from being so close to the serpent. She walked back toward the river, looking at the stone and contemplating. It was true that she had often wished to be a bit more like other people. Being extraordinary was often very lonely. She leaned on the railing by the rivers edge and imagined how her life would change. Friends, a normal job, dating, not always being so awkward- her heart raced at the thought of it. The cat stood next to a garbage can, watching her. Rosa squeezed her fist, feeling the smooth coldness of the stone.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">The long necks stuck out of the river, totally still. It was dark, but she was pretty sure she hit one. It was a really good throw. When she got back to the bar the band was still playing.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-11868072016853305902014-07-31T21:08:00.000-04:002014-07-31T21:44:24.777-04:00Colours<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There was once a girl named Charlotte who loved to paint- portraits, landscapes, houses, faces, anything and anyone who would hold still for a few minutes. Every day she filled her world with color. Her poofy brown hair always had splashes of pigment from the paint brushes she kept behind her ears, and her white jeans and tee shirt were a palette, a galaxy, swinging from place to place, purposeful and bright.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-ba617751-8f1b-7f74-a4a0-abf634901ceb" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One day while splattering fuchsia and lime green on a dead grey sidewalk, she found herself watched by a girl all in black like a crack in the universe. Smiles and pregnant glances flew between them like moths. The girl’s matte black hair blended seamlessly with her dress. The darkness was broken only by her bright gold eyes, clear and sharp as broken glass.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The look lasted until a passing cloud changed the light. Charlotte dropped her gaze, pulled a brush from her hair, and painted a portrait of the golden-eyed girl, with hair and dress of swirling rainbows. She plucked two dandelion flowers for the eyes and stuck them into dollops of white paint. Then she looked at the shadowy golden-eyed girl with a fierce little almost grin. The girl smiled and melted into the shadow of the tree she’d been standing next to. There was a large white lily flower with no stem on the ground where she’d been standing. Charlotte picked it up, careful not to get any paint on it, and buried her nose in the center, inhaling the dizzyingly sweet fragrance with eyes closed.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte didn’t see the girl again for three weeks, although she sometimes smelled lilies and once thought she saw a flash of gold from a shadowy doorway while she painted the solar system on a minivan.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then on a bright white summer day wandering the city Charlotte found a garden planted in front of a little plum-colored cottage wedged between two three-storey townhouses. In the garden was a row of six-foot lilies, each laden with large white blooms that perfumed the whole block. She borrowed some orange traffic cones from where some potholes had recently been filled a couple blocks away and blocked off the section of street in front of the little garden. Charlotte worked at a furious pace, letting her sweat mix with her her pigments, darting back and forth like an inkjet printer. Soon the street and sidewalk had become a pond, its surface touched by a gentle breeze, reflecting the garden and the blinding white lilies. She picked a few and crushed them into the white paint, so the sun shining on the drying paint set their fragrance free. Satisfied, Charlotte returned the cones and her paints and hurried back to hide behind some anonymous shrub next door to the little plum-colored cottage. Her wait ended quickly as the golden-eyed girl came gliding up the sidewalk like a ghost and stopped short, her eyes wide and leaking sunlight. She climbed up to the front door, the best vantage point, and looked down, hawk-like, examining every detail. Then she climbed back down to the street. She got down on her knees, and carefully holding her hair up with one hand, she leaned down to smell the white lilies. She stayed in that position long enough for Charlotte to sketch her in the soft soil at her feet. Then the girl softly spoke, “Thank you.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte whispered from behind the shrub, “You’re welcome.” The girl went inside and Charlotte skipped away down the street while golden eyes watched from behind the sky’s reflection in the front window.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Three days later Charlotte was painting intricate plaid patterns on all the telephone poles along a particularly dull street when a familiar smell tickled her nose. She wiped her brush clean and turned around, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. There stood the girl, who managed while standing on a city sidewalk in broad daylight, to somehow look like just a pair of floating golden eyes at the bottom of a well, the sort you’d expect to find in the overgrown yard of an abandoned Victorian manor house.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I knew you were magic!” said Charlotte. “What’s your name? Mine’s Charlotte.” The girl cocked her head to one side and blinked.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s Lily, isn’t it?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lily smiled brightly, nodded, and offered her hand. “Come with me?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It seemed a flock of starlings flew by, each brushing a wing across Charlotte’s chest as their hands touched. As they walked Charlotte lost herself in reverie, thinking of everything, as was her wont, in terms of color. The warmth of her hand was a dull magenta, while Lily’s cool touch was bright glacier blue. The tiny sounds of the lace hem of Lily’s dress brushing against her baggy linen pants made little orange and yellow fireworks against the black fabric. Their footprints were shimmering metallic rainbows that overflowed to cover the sidewalk behind them.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Charlotte.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The dream colors receded, vacuumed into the landscape. They stood at the edge of a small dog park near the river, in front of a pile of boulders which leaned against a low hillside. Lily led Charlotte through a small gap and into a pit in the ground which had been concealed by the rocks. They walked down a tunnel which soon grew too dark to see in, but Lily squeezed Charlotte’s hand and kept walking. A moment later they emerged onto an overgrown dirt road. Looking around, Charlotte realized where they were. There had been a large brick and cinder block factory next to the river that was abandoned years ago. They were behind the empty building - the smokestacks could just be seen over the trees. Dozens of huge piles of blocks and bricks of all kinds sat, still waiting to be loaded onto trucks that would never come, towering over the wild roses and brambles.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They walked a short distance down the winding trace of a road and stopped. There before them stood a small castle, with cinderblock walls, roof of thatched grass and raspberry canes, and a portcullis of rusty chicken wire.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Do you like it?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s wonderful! Is it safe to go in?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No. Come on.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lily lifted the portcullis and went in, followed by Charlotte. Inside was furniture made of smooth yellow cement blocks, with a table built of plywood scraps.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Did you do all of this?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She nodded with a proud smile. “I built it for us.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Us?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yes. Will you paint it?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So Charlotte brought paints and for many days poured herself into the little castle. She covered the walls with a rainbow of flowers, daisies and beebalm and marigolds and dandelions and indigo and irises and violets and sunflowers and redbud trees and lilies, of course. She guided Lily’s hands to make tiny delicate sweet peas. Together they painted the inside and the furniture in bright pastels with splashes of brilliant greens and blues. The table was scarlet, and when they finished all the painting they sat at that table and shared a thermos of hot chocolate.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Next came one of those ones that just makes a bright flash and a huge boom that you can feel in your belly and that sets off car alarms. Lily squeaked and snuggled closer, and Charlotte squeezed her tighter, hoping to still her trembling. Somehow she hadn’t really believed Lily was that scared of fireworks. Just barely audible over the crackling and whistling and cheering, she spoke in a calm, conversational tone:</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Did you know a lot of them are named after flowers? They’re so far away that they look flat to us but they’re really three-dimensional. There, see? That one was a chrysanthemum. Remember how you told me part of why you love growing flowers is because they’re like ‘explosions in slow motion, so gentle you can bury your nose them all afternoon.’”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lily looked up, startled again.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Those were your exact words. I wrote them down ‘cause they were so profound.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This with a little grin, half ironic and half sincere.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“See, theres a daisy, only done in fast forward in light instead of petals.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another of the really loud ones. This time Lily spoke.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That one’s like an allium, a small one.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yes! And smell! The air is full of their fragrance. Not so sweet and gentle as one might wish but isn’t is lovely all the same?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They named the flowers they saw, sweet peas and hollyhocks and beebalm and lotuses and chrysanthemums of course, still pressed together but no longer trembling.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh, it’s the finale coming now! Remember how the first time you really showed me around your garden I couldn’t even breathe for all the brightness and colors and textures and smells? Here comes your garden, a whole year in three minutes. Are you ready my love?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She filled her lungs with the comforting smell of Charlotte and the wild spicy scent of flowers made of light and fire- three deep breaths- and nodded.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I can’t believe it’s been seven years. Do you think it’s even still standing?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They reached the end of the trail and stopped, staring. The castle walls were still mostly intact. Unrecognizable traces of paint remained. The thatched roof was totally gone, and there was a Virginia Creeper vine climbing out and draping down the walls, portions of which had fallen down. The remains of the portcullis were on the ground, a tracery of rust half buried by fallen leaves. Lily moved closer, examining the outside, while Charlotte ducked through the doorway.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hey, I found our old table. Yuck, it’s all moldy! Hey are you coming in here or what?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She stuck her head out the door and saw no one.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Lily? Where are you?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Worried now, she came out and walked around to the back of the castle, where Lily sat crosslegged on the damp leaves, quietly crying.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What is it honey? Are you okay?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lily pointed with a trembling finger at a single perfect sweet pea flower painted on the wall, somehow spared by the ravages of rain and snow and sun. The flower had been a bright purple, but was now faded to a pale pink and freckled with tiny black spots.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte sat down next to Lily, wrapping her long arm around Lily’s narrow shoulders.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t think I want to see it. What if it’s just a pile of rubble? It really hurt, last time, seeing it all neglected. It felt like, I don’t know, like we just forgot to care about our heart, like we were just coasting along while all the beauty and magic rotted away without us even noticing.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Do you ever talk to her about any of this stuff?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No. I know I should, it’s just...how do I tell her? Without hurting her, I mean? It’s not like she’s malicious, it’s both of us just going about our lives doing all the things that seem important and growing further and further apart. This is our tenth anniversary and reminiscing about how amazing the first couple years were just isn’t enough anymore. I don’t think we know what to do with each other now that we’re adults with jobs instead of wild magical children.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They sat at a very high round metal table, in tall metal chairs. It was outside of a self-consciously independent coffee shop with a ‘Friends don’t let friends drinks Starbucks’ bumper sticker on the front door. Lily wore a knee length dark green skirt, black tank top, and black combat boots. Her friend Michelle wore a purple tank top which showed parts of an elaborate tattoo of oriental dragons flying over a forest, which successfully incorporated the scar tissue from where her left arm had been removed following a car accident. A short black skirt with blue lace and Doc Martens with four inch heels completed her look and increased her already considerable height so that she towered over most people.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So what are you going to do? Do you want to break up with her?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t know, I really just don’t know.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well you know I’m here for you no matter what happens.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Lily!”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte emerged from their car and trotted over, wearing faded blue jeans and a coffee brown tank top. She hugged Michelle and put her hands on Lily’s shoulders.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hey Charlotte. Happy Anniversary guys, I’ll see you tomorrow Lily.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“‘Kay, thanks for listening to me.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Are you ready?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Sure.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You okay love?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah, I’m fine.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lily stared out the window as Charlotte drove their car toward their old neighborhood. They passed the cottage where Lily had grown up. The people who bought it from her mother after her dad died a few years ago had fenced in the front yard for their dogs. The whole yard was bare brown earth now.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Charlotte?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yes love?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Why do you always go this way when we’re in our old neighborhood?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Less traffic. And it reminds me of when we were kids.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It makes me really sad to see my old house.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I didn’t know that. Would you prefer if I went a different way?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t know. I guess so.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Okay, I can do that. I’m sorry I made you sad love.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte parked the car and they got out. The sky looked like a highway flare behind a white sheet. The diffuse light made very few shadows, which made Lily feel exposed. Her heart raced as they crossed the wide field between the parking lot and the back edge of the park, where the tunnel entrance was. As they walked Charlotte contemplated how she might capture the starkness and blinding brightness on canvas. Charlotte stopped on the path just before the turn that would bring them to their castle.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Listen, I know it’s hard for you to come here. It is for me too. I know lately our relationship...hasn’t been so great. Like, for a bunch of years. I feel like we grew up and somehow we got used to each other and forgot how amazing we both are...and maybe it’s less obvious because I don’t go around painting everything and you aren’t so mysterious...and maybe there’s more wrong than that, I don’t know. But I really really want to do whatever I can to make things better between us. You’re so worth it to me Lily. I just didn’t really know where to start, so…”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte took Lily’s hand and pulled her around the bend to where the castle stood. The whole area had been cleared of brush. The walls stood perfectly straight and whole, painted white, with a fresh thatched roof. There was a flawless, shining section of chicken wire serving as portcullis. On the ground in front sat cans of paint and brushes.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Did you do all this?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I did it for us. Come on inside.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Is it safe?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s never been safe. Come on.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">5</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I feel stupid doing this.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Sometimes it’s okay to feel stupid.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What’s even the point? It’s been almost a year already. I should just get over it.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“How do you think a person just gets over it?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t know, move on, think about other things, stuff like that…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“How’s that working for you so far?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“... Alright, fine.” A deep breath. “Lily...I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I never really understood how precious you are, not just to me, just...you’re amazing...and...I don’t have words, really, for you. I think, like, if I had way better dreams than I really do you’d be the girl of my dreams...and somehow I got used to you and took you for granted which is just so crazy, like walking around with a unicorn everyday and not even really noticing. You’re so much more wonderful than unicorns.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But also loving you made me less myself, i think. Like, somehow there were so many times that i chose to be with you instead of painting that i started to forget how to paint and then later when i started again I felt like I had to push against you to make space for painting and I’ve never been half as good as I was before I met you and that’s not your fault but I know I punished you for it. You deserved so much better. I’m so sorry. I wish I could start over, I would give anything at all to start over and be the person you chose...Remember, you told me that you chose me. I never really understood why. Maybe you thought I was better than I am…I miss you so much.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“All finished?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I think so.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“How did that feel?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Kind of good, I guess. I guess I’ve never really said all that stuff.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Okay. Take as long as you need. Here, you can squeeze one of those pillows if you want, don’t worry about getting it wet. This is really hard work you’re doing. It will get better and better, but sometimes it’s gonna feel much worse. Okay, let’s get you back to class. Are you gonna be okay?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah, I’m okay.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That evening she listened to the the voicemail message again:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This is Lily. Deb told me you were in the hospital. She said you tried to kill yourself. I’m really worried about you. She said you’re safe and everything. I know you won’t get this until you get released. Just know that I care about you a lot and you’re on my mind and you’re a really beautiful, special person so please please please take care of yourself. The world is so much better with you in it. And...I hope things get better for you. I hope you find a way to be happy. I’m sorry I hurt you so much. Ummm...bye.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As with every other time her thumb hovered over the keypad, back and forth between 7 and 9, erase and save, and as with every other time she hung up instead. A few seconds later the new voicemail sound played.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The date on the screen said October 11.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">6</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once there was a woman named Lily who loved plants. Now that she was alone she had loads of time to fill, and she filled it with flowers. When demand outstripped her little yard, she moved in with a friend who owned an organic vegetable farm. After a few years flowers took a quarter of the farm’s arable land and provided nearly half its income, and Lily hardly ever thought about Charlotte. Except once while everyone sat in the shade under a black locust tree an intern made a little face on the ground out of pieces of locust pods and used two dandelions for the eyes and smiled at Lily and said, “Just like yours.” And then somehow her face was covered in tears and snot and dust and her fists were bruised from slamming them on the ground. Her friend carried her inside and gave her tissues and made her tea and Lily told herself, “I don’t need her. I have my friends and my flowers and that’s all I need.” The intern left a week later. And then Lily called Charlotte.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">7</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">October 11. Charlotte had just glanced at her phone to check the date so she could write it on the form she was signing agreeing to be discharged from the long term outpatient mental health program she’d been attending for the last three years. She saw that it was October 11, and then the phone started buzzing. She had deleted Lily from her contacts years ago but she still recognized the number. She froze. Her surroundings fell away as if she was falling down a well and there was only the phone and the dark.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Are you okay? Do you need to answer that?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Her social worker’s voice reached her as if from a great distance.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t know…”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And then the buzzing stopped. Panic gripped Charlotte- what if she didn’t leave a message? Was it just a pocket dial? Why did Lily still have her number? What if she was calling because she’d been in a terrible car accident and was laying on the pavement bleeding to death and was ready to speak her last words, “I love you, I always have,” to Charlotte and she was missing it? How many times had she failed to be there for Lily? That was why she left, right?</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She scribbled her name and the date, October 11, hugged Jenny the social worker, and ran outside the building, calling her voicemail. There was no new message.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte stood outside the ugly brick building. It was warm for October. The sun was low in the sky so it made a fiery orange light that made the suspended dust from the parking lot incredibly obvious. It almost looked like it was all underwater, and seeing it Charlotte felt the enormous pressure and fought to keep breathing. Slow, deep breaths, add up the numbers on the license plates of the cars in the parking lot. Think carefully, don’t do anything rash. Should she call back? Take that risk? Life wasn’t amazing, hadn’t been since she left, but it was pretty good and getting better. What was the point of all those years of work, classes, counseling? To learn to be okay without her, to not need someone else to make me complete. But maybe also to be able to be a good partner, maybe even a great partner, for someone someday.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yes, call back.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But before her thumb reached the call button, her phone buzzed again, just once- new voicemail. It had been eight minutes. What could she possibly have to say after four years of total silence that would take eight minutes to say?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">8</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was the same voicemail greeting she’d had when she was in the hospital, the same she’d had for seven years before that. She sounded happy, young, silly- everything Lily had sometimes kind of a little bit resented until it wasn’t there anymore to resent.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Fuck. Why aren’t you answering?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Disaster scenarios ran through her mind- car accident, plane crash, maybe she was abducted, maybe she was hiding from a murderer and I made her phone ring and now she’ll die and it’ll be my fault. Then came the beep. She started with “I’m sorry,” and went on from there.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After, she sat on the edge of her bed. It had sky blue sheets and a thick purple comforter and one pillow in a sky blue pillowcase. The bed she had shared with Charlotte always had sheets with characters from different cartoons. Rainbow Bright was Charlotte’s favorite. Lily had always made fun of her for insisting on those sheets, but now she was pretty sick of plain blue. There were pictures of seahorses on the walls, as well as a calendar with Georgia O’Keefe paintings. She looked at the clock on her little wobbly bedside table and immediately forgot what it said. She’d made the table herself two years ago. There was a chapbook of poems by James Elroy Flecker on it which she’d read at least a hundred times. She looked down at the phone in her hand, feeling increasingly stupid for calling and saying the things she’d said. Charlotte might have moved across the country by now. Maybe she’s a famous artist in Europe and she lives with some beautiful wealthy Italian patroness. Or she’s married and has a kid and doesn’t want her perfect life disrupted.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She fell asleep waiting for the phone to ring, but it didn’t.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">9</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Somehow, Lily found herself making out with an intern. His name was Fritz and he was from Berlin and was traveling around America, going from one organic farm to the next, practicing his English, and apparently, also his French. They always had a big end-of-the-season party. They had to, after the unrelenting intensity of the growing season. As always, there was loads of wine and liquor and homemade beer. This year, someone had also brought two gallons of deceptively strong mead, which Lily had been sampling extensively. She kept thinking about how Charlotte would have described the mead as she held up her glass to the light. She would have told a story about two girls getting lost in a golden world and eventually finding each other and discovering that together they have the power to sculpt the golden light that fills the world and choosing to stay there together forever.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So somehow Lily watched herself bring Fritz upstairs to her bedroom, which was conveniently pretty soundproof. She watched herself lay on the bed and pull Fritz down on top of her. His hand was sliding under her shirt when she felt a strange feeling at the base of her spine. She tried to ignore it until Fritz said, “I think your phone is ringing.” She reached back and picked it up, but by the time she got her eyes focused on the screen all it said was ‘You have 1 missed call.’ She tossed it across the room and held her arms up, inviting Fritz to pull off her shirt. She watched with detached curiosity from her vantage point, floating beside the bed.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Downstairs, someone bumped against an end table. An open bottle of Everclear wobbled and fell. Another intern named Philip snatched it up, trying to save some of the expensive liquor, and knocked over one of the many candles that were placed throughout the room. The spilled liquor immediately flared up, burning with an almost invisible blue flame. The linen curtains next to the end table caught fire next, but they burned with a lovely golden light like sunlight through a glass of mead. The ensuing panicked attempts to put out the fire knocked over more candles, of course, and within a few minutes the guests had to accept that the house was well and truly on fire. The house’s owner, Lily’s close friend Margery, dialed 911 while the neighbor who had brought the mead quickly ushered everyone outdoors. “Is everyone out?,” he asked Margery when she came out. Margery looked around, then looked again, eyes widening.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Lily isn’t here! And I don’t see Fritz either!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Philip spoke up, “I saw them going upstairs. They were holding hands.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Margery looked even more alarmed and made to run inside, but the neighbor grabbed her arm and held tight.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Look Margery! There’s nothing you can do. The firefighters will be here soon, they can help them. You can’t.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He held her tightly as she wept.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">10</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The whole world was dark, receding. There was the skin-tingling obliterating panic of the kind of nightmare where you need to run from some horrible monster but no matter how you try you just can’t move.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Over and over played the scene, her lovely sweet Lily curled on the floor beside her bed, terrified, knowing she’d probably die, alone, losing consciousness as the smoke filled the room, being briefly woken by the intense pain as fire licked up the side of the window and burned her left side before the firefighters reached her and got her out. The young man she’d been with had jumped out the window just before the fire trucks arrived and had landed very badly. He was not expected to survive. But her sweet precious Lily hung on in an induced coma.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte put down the newspaper with the blackened skeleton of a beautiful old manor house covering a third of the front page. She wasn’t really sure where she put it down, maybe just on the ground. She walked up to a total stranger who was getting in their parked car and asked for a ride to the hospital, please. He was not an especially generous or trusting person, but he was certain there was a strong possibility she’d assault him and take the car if he said no, so he said yes. It was only fifteen minutes.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">11</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She opened her eyes. Or rather, just eye. The left one didn’t seem to want to open right now. She felt pleasantly floaty, cheerful, comfy, like a soft bed with lots of blankets and nothing to do all day. It hurt to breathe, but the pain was far away. She looked up at the cream-colored ceiling. She was in no hurry to move, but she could move her eye around enough to see she was in a hospital. There were flowers in vases all over the room. Then she remembered the fire and her breath caught for a moment before the morphine blanket settled over her and she smiled a little and closed her eye.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Lily?”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Vaguely annoyed at being disturbed, she reopened her eye and looked to her right side. Charlotte leaned over. There were tears dripping from her nose. Her hair was a mess, but it was always a mess. Lily smiled again before the soft shadows took her.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She woke up from time to time, usually when the morphine was wearing off, and Charlotte was there every time. Sometimes Margery was there too, or the neighbor who’d brought the mead. He told her he had a whole lot of it stored up with her name on it. Michelle visited every weekend. They’d lost touch over the last couple years but Michelle had always been the type to be there when you need someone.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte read to her and told her stories and sometimes sang for her. She was not a very good singer but she could sing very loudly. It hurt to laugh so she couldn’t sing much.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When she finally spoke, it was winter. She could tell because there was snow falling outside the window. Charlotte helped her take a sip of water from a styrofoam cup with a straw in it.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Shawlt.”</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The scars around the left side of her mouth made it hard to form words clearly, but Charlotte had always been a good listener.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yes, Lily?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I missed oo.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">12</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Michelle volunteered to tell her. She’d always been good with things like this, ever since her accident and recovery helped her learn all the stupid things people say when they want to help and the things they do that actually do help. But it still wasn’t easy.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It was a drunk driver,” she told her. “It was quick,” she said.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">During the funeral Lily was like a ghost, totally silent, her golden eyes floating in formless inky shadow. No one saw her leave, but when her absence was finally noted friends were dispatched to find her and make sure she was okay.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So she spent some time in the same hospital Charlotte had, for much the same reason. Michelle visited a lot, brought her books and candy, and told her what was happening in the world. It helped the time pass.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">13</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once there was an old woman who walked with a limp. She carried a cane in her right hand which was painted in a plaid design of neon orange and sky blue and violet. Her left sleeve was neatly pinned up. Her bright gold eyes were framed by smooth white hair, and she was very quiet.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She finished her morning tea and went outside. She stopped for a moment and inhaled deeply through her nose. The scar tissue in her lungs made it difficult to take a full breath, but she was used to that. Walking slowly, awkwardly holding her cane between her knees, she cut lilies from the towering plants that bore them, smelling each one deeply before carefully tucking it into the cloth bag she wore over her shoulder. When the bag was full, she started walking. It took about an hour to reach the huge sprawling cemetery, then another twenty minutes of climbing up and down small rolling hills to find the heavy granite slab which had begun to sink into the earth. It said,</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charlotte Rosemary Walker</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1982 - 2014</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">she filled the world with color and hope</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Beauty lives”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lily carefully bent over and brushed aside the flowers she’d left yesterday and lovingly laid out the lilies as a crown around Charlotte’s name. Then she put yesterday’s flowers, already wilting, into the cloth bag. She sat in front of the stone, looking at the glittering crystals in the granite. A gentle breeze came, making the nearby trees whisper their secrets to each other. A small shadow passed over the granite slab and a few seconds later a blue feather drifted down and made an underline beneath the quotation.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Beauty lives,” Lily whispered, and laid down for a rest.</span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-2930080893330833042014-07-31T20:46:00.001-04:002014-07-31T22:49:35.411-04:00The Laziest Boy in the World<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-f3621599-8f78-8f2d-8038-538944c9a9e2"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-right: 4.5pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There was once a very lazy boy named Kai, who loved to sit under a tree on warm summer days and close his eyes and not do anything at all. One especially lazy day in July Kai was sitting with his back against a big beech tree when he heard a very quiet voice. He leaned against the trunk and sat and listened and listened and sat. No one else was as good at just sitting as Kai was. He sat all day. Kai came back to that same spot the next day, and the next, and the next after that.</span></div>
<br /><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Always, he heard the quiet, slow voice of the old old beech tree. All summer Kai sat under that tree, and heard all about sunlight and growing and worms and birds and all the other things old beech trees like to talk about. Once in a while, when he didn’t feel like walking all the way to the beech tree, Kai would sit under a maple tree in his backyard. That tree talked too, softly and slowly, so you couldn’t hear unless you just sat still and silent.</span></div>
<br /><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the fall, Kai told his parents about the trees, but they didn’t believe him. He told his little sister, but she didn’t believe him either. He told his teachers at school, but they didn’t believe him. So he told his cat, Scruffles. Scruffles believed him, because cats know all about sitting still and doing nothing.</span></div>
<br /><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One in a while Kai would convince someone to come sit under a tree with him and listen. But no one that he brought would sit still and quiet long enough. They always got bored or restless or had something they needed to go do. So the whisperings of the trees were Kai’s secret, and he slowly grew older along with the trees.</span></div>
<br /><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One day, when Kai was sitting under the old beech tree, he fell asleep. When he woke up it was dark outside, and he knew he’d be in trouble for staying out so late when he got home. Just then hundreds of tiny lights began to swirl around the tree and around Kai. Then he heard another voice, one he had never heard before. It was even slower and softer than the trees’ voices were. It said to him, “We are the voice of the forest. We have been watching you. Follow the lights.”</span></div>
<br /><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So Kai followed as the lights flew off, into the forest. Soon they reached a small clearing and stopped. The voice said, “Now sit and wait.” So he sat and waited. No one was as good at sitting and waiting as Kai. He listened to all the nearby trees and enjoyed not doing anything at all for what felt like a very long time.</span></div>
<br /><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The sky began to get lighter as dawn approached, and when the sunlight touched him, Kai felt wonderful. He wiggled his roots and shook his leaves and made a happy sighing sound. A small brown bird landed on one of his branches. The birds’ claws tickled Kai’s bark. Then Kai realized what had happened to him - he was a tree! The voice spoke again: “Kai, you are a dryad now. </span></div>
<br /><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your job is to sit and listen and most of the time, do nothing. If, when you listen, you hear that the trees are in danger, you must protect them. If you need to, you may turn back into a boy for a little while each day.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That very day Kai turned back into a boy and ran home to tell his parents, who were very worried and upset that he had been out all night. They did not believe him at first. He brought them to the clearing in the forest and turned back into a tree right in front of them.</span></div>
<br /><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After that his parents came to visit him almost every day. They planted flowers around the edge of the little clearing. His sister brought her friends to have picnics and tea parties, and Kai shaded them from the sun while they played and sheltered them when it rained. When Kai’s little sister had children of her own, she brought them to visit him in his clearing, and they climbed in his branches and he never let them fall. </span></div>
</span></span><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes, he had to turn back into a boy to protect the trees from big storms or fires or people who wanted parking lots instead of forests. But mostly, Kai didn’t do anything, which suited him just fine.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-73815618035971543642014-07-31T20:42:00.001-04:002014-07-31T21:46:11.762-04:00Dogs<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s a pack of dogs, all different sizes, backlit and foggy, just silhouettes standing and looking at me, all in a row. The ground is paved as far as I can see in every direction, just fresh black pavement, no marks or lines or anything. I keep worrying about if it might hurt the air to be getting poked with all those pointy ears. Everything was really stark black shadow and white light and grey mist. Then it’s like the pigment drained out, and everything becomes grainy shades of pale grey like an old TV set and I get this majorly intense feeling of dread. I’m sure there’s something awful right behind me, so I turn around, but it’s the same pack of dogs standing in the same way. No matter which way I turn I end up facing the same way, seeing the same thing. I’m getting more and more panicked because the feeling keeps getting worse and worse and I know it’s behind me but I can’t turn in the right way to see it. Then I notice the biggest dog silhouette, it looks like a greyhound maybe, I can see little puffs of steam coming out of its nose when it breathes and somehow my vision sort of zooms in on it and I’m so scared, there’s just nothing left of me but terror. And then I feel these sort of claws on my back, between my shoulder blades, like how it feels when a beetle crawls on your skin, but way bigger. And that moment just lingers like it’s all frozen in a snow globe or something. Then I wake up.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-47ef869a-8f03-e0f2-6703-963bc56613dd" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Every time I had the dream the next day I’d feel like daytime life was like a hallucination I was having because my mind broke when the thing touched my back and I created this delusional dream world to have a pretend life so I didn’t have to experience reality, which was the dark place with the dogs. At first I only had the dream once in a while. It was eerie and disturbing of course, but nightmares are like that. They’re always full of fucked up stuff that leaves you feeling a little crazy. But then I started having it every night. Sometimes I’d have the dream and wake up in the middle of the night and fall asleep again and have it again. I tried drinking myself unconscious, sleeping pills, only sleeping during the day- nothing worked. And every day this world felt less real. I tried psyching myself up to be able to turn around and face the thing, like visualizing and practicing and stuff, but once I was there I just couldn’t do it, I don’t know why.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, after two months of having the dream every night I was pretty out of it. I remember one time I was walking down the sidewalk and someone came around the corner walking a big doberman. I swear it stopped and looked right at me, making little puffs of steam come out its nose with each breath. Someone walking by took my hand and said, “Are you okay?” I guess they thought I was having a heart attack or something. I wish I had.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So by this time, two months in, I started to feel the claws on my back during the day too. I was constantly checking in mirrors to see if it was real. It was around the middle of month three that I was walking past an antique shop that had a display of silver teapots and trays and things like that. There was a really polished silver tea tray. I glanced at it as I walked past and saw something. The reflection wasn’t clear so it was hard to really see what it was. I think I saw tentacles, claws, lots of teeth. I’m really not sure.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was four months in that things really got bad. I could feel the thing on me, whatever it was, all the time. Every night the same dream, and every morning I’d wake up and it would still be there. Then one day I was out walking kind of late. I had started going on a lot of late night walks. This woman passed me on the sidewalk and suddenly, just like in the dream, everything went pale grey. It felt just like the dream, and I was so scared I didn’t really know what I was doing. I caught up and grabbed her around her throat and just squeezed and squeezed as hard as I could and then she was suddenly really heavy, so I dropped her and walked away. As I walked away all the colors came back and I felt almost normal, except for the claws or whatever on my back.</span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s been more than a year since then and that’s happened a few more times. I’m not sure how many. A lot, really. And that’s why I’m writing this. I don’t want to keep doing it but I really can’t stop myself. My address is 531 Talbot Road, Kingston, NY. Somewhere along the way I got hold of a gun so be careful. It can make me do all kinds of things. Please help.</span>Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-69301506137835148532014-07-31T20:41:00.001-04:002014-07-31T21:57:39.480-04:00Ariel<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The ocean was dreaming. Whalesong echoed from shore to shore, finding resonance in the tops of mile high mountains and fleeing from the sucking silent darkness of the deepest trenches. The dream was movement, fragility, perfect balance on sharpest edge.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-01480d87-8f03-2b88-f00c-329a7a254816" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All things long to be more themselves. Water kisses the moon and caresses the wind and becomes waves. Waves dash themselves against rocks to become foam. And what is briefer and lighter and frailer than foam? The whalesong carries the answer to shore: beauty.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The foam, understanding, reaches out for support, for solidity. More permanence is needed to bear the weight of such transience. Form for what cannot be contained, a marriage with sand and sun and stone. Soft skin, softer breasts, long arms, silky hair, glittering tail. Flickering in the distance, always darting out of sight, in fleeting glimpses, always far off through rain and mist, never possessed, only drowning people know her touch. Exquisite, the sea’s answer to snowflakes.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The ocean smiles and sleeps on.</span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2649071989327045692.post-70943546534878218122014-07-31T20:40:00.002-04:002014-07-31T21:58:03.943-04:00The Silence of Love<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There was once a cricket named Sulie. He spent his days doing all the things that crickets do. He munched leaves, hopped around, climbed things, slept, and munched more leaves. At night, he sang. Crickets don’t sing with their mouths, of course. Sulie, along with all other cricket boys, sang with his legs. He had an especially lovely song.</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One warm summer evening as Sulie sang, he heard a strange sound. It was another cricket singing, which in itself was not so strange. But the song he heard was in perfect harmony with his own! He stopped singing to better hear it, but the other song stopped too. Sulie began to sing again, and the other song immediately joined in, again in perfect harmony. He played on, listening carefully, and realized the other cricket was not just harmonizing. Occasionally he would add a trill or glissando, once even an arpeggio. More embellishments came, and Sulie decided to join in. He added triplets and swung notes, shifting meter, changing key, until he was utterly lost in the music. The two crickets played their concerto all through the night, and when dawn broke Sulie reluctantly broke off playing and went to his tiny little cricket bed.</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The following evening Sulie eagerly began his song, and was immediately joined by the strange cricket. This time they played in counterpoint, performing a fugue that lasted through the dark until the sun again returned to the sky. This pattern continued for several more nights. Each night the music grew more complex and daring. Sulie began to feel that he knew the other cricket, knew him as lovers can only dream of knowing each other. His daytime thoughts filled with questions and fantasies about the strange cricket. He decided to find this wildly creative being. Surely this great soul bridge would survive the light of day.</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For many days Sulie searched for the strange cricket, while at night they continued to thrill the nocturnal world with their improvised symphonies. He was confident he would recognize his partner in song, for their very beings were intertwined one with the other each night. With every evenings song, Sulie knew he was closer, as the sound grew in volume. Soon the night arrived when Sulie heard the other cricket in a small grove of ash trees at the very edge of the forest, not more than an hour’s hopping away. So Sulie hopped and sang and sang and hopped, and if his song suffered for it none could have known, for the hoping produced a staccato effect which the unknown singer complimented quite beautifully with an </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">allegro</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> melody line. At last Sulie reach the clearing’s edge and stopped, wanting to see without being seen. He looked all through the clearing but saw no sign of the other cricket. He began to sing again, hoping in that way to find the mysterious singer. The perfect accompaniment came from what seemed to be at least a mile away. “Brother!” he shouted, “Why do you flee from me?” But of course a cricket’s shouting voice does not carry very far at all. Sulie poured all his sadness and frustration into his song the rest of the evening, and the enigmatic accompanist filled in the gaps with a sweet music that suggested adventure and undreamed of treasures just over the horizon.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The search and escape became as much a part of the pair’s nightly rituals as the song was. Every few nights Sulie came close enough to catch a glimpse of his partner in song, only to find he was long gone. Sulie’s focus became needle sharp. The song and the singer were his world, and every means served the end of ending the chase. Finally, as red and brown leaves drifted lazily down, Sulie gave up. This night there would be no chance, no song. Only rest, for his resolve had run out and his strength had proven insufficient.</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As shadows covered the sky and the stars began to appear, Sulie heard music. The singer was the same who had borne him aloft and flung him to the ground, but the song was unlike any Sulie had yet heard. It was calm, stately, welcoming, and yet also festive. It was the sort of song one would sing at the homecoming of a prince who had travelled long and far and was now welcomed home. So Sulie came, though he was no prince. The source was a few minutes hopping away, and Sulie was surprised to see that it was the very same ash grove where he had first sought to find his song’s perfect mate.</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Quietly, reverently, Sulie entered the grove, and this time the song continued. And there stood the singer, regal and proud, and somehow quite sad. Sulie’s emotions were less easy to describe, for the singer, he discovered, was a bird.</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The bird was not overly large as birds go, but still large enough to eat a cricket in one swift bite. As Sulie watched, stunned, the bird ended its song with an elegant trill and looked down at him.</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-60038a0b-8f00-9041-99b6-89aab97a4598"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> For a moment, Sulie’s thoughts raced. He imagined how he could escape, he wondered what had ever made him think the singer with the daring, lovely voice was a cricket, he regretted having not stayed in one place and found a mate. But then a strange peace washed over him, and he simply sang. Overwhelmed with gratitude that the bird had shared this wondrous gift with him, he sang as he had never sung before. The bird accompanied, and the forest and fields for many miles were silent as the wedding song rang and echoed, each crystalline note as pure and resonant and impassioned as a marriage’s first kiss at the altar. The last notes rang out, not coming to a resolution but simply stopping, and then silence. Sulie whispered, and now he was close enough to be heard, “Thank you.” And he leapt into the birds open beak.</span></span></div>
Amelia Diamondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07923574969104556005noreply@blogger.com1